Im Nebel. Goodbye, Australia. Gemischt. Looking forward.

20-6-2014, 6am

Ich sitze am Flughafen. Diesmal International Terminal. Draußen ist alles von dichtem Nebel umhüllt. Hier drin auch. In meinem Kopf kreisen die Gedanken um nichts. Ich habe keine Ahnung, was ich denken soll.

 // Sittin at the airport. This time international terminal. Outside everything is covered in thick fog. Inside as well. In my mind the thoughts are circuling , around nothing. I don't know what to think. 

21-6-2014, 2pm

The last hours. The last walk in the kings park. The last use of the public drink fountains. The last time staying in hostels and doing couchsurfing. The last tour. The last beach. The last "hey, how's it going?" The last friendly chats with random people. The last temperature-changing showers while listening and singing to loud music. The last time looking right first when crossing the road. The last time shopping at woolworths, coles, IGA and Cotton On. The last time walking barefoot in public and feeling normal. The last goon. The last canadian club-coke-can. The last night out, the last party, the bar, and karaoke. The last taxi ride. The last hug. The last goodbye.  

Goodbye, Australia....

20-6-2014, 6:30am

I think it was in grade 8, when we had to make a mind map for the topic "LOVE". What could you love? Different types of love. 

What I have experienced the last 10 months, is definetely different kinds of love.

You can love a country. I love Australia in all its beautiness. I love its natural environment, the animals, all the wideness and variety of green rainforests and red, dusty outback deserts. I love the buzzing, blinking, busy cities and the tiny, rural countryside towns where you literally have got nothing. 

I love traveling, I love the feeling of freedom you have when the only thing you have to worry about is what you'll eat in the evening and where you're going to sleep tonight - and if you don't find anything, you just sleep in the car or look for free beds in a random hostel, no worries! I love being spontaneous, but making plans and being excited for things as well. 

You can love people. I am so happy to having met all you guys along my way.

Thank you, Griffith - even if this shithole of a town really has not much to offer, it has a lovely working hostel which was a big help for me. I got jobs - good ones and bad ones - and met heaps of great people. The best job was definetely the Vintage, working for the winery Casella. With the best supervisor and workmates you can imagine. Yeah Wazza, Beau, Sean, Cal, Brett "plank", that's you! Michelle, you're one of the most fabulous persons I have met in whole Australia, I hope we stay in touch. 

All the people I met there in Griffith... Laura and me discovered Griffith together and became potato magic buddies and roommates together with Vivien (my fav girl:)) and Laura. Jacqueline, Gotta see you soon in Germany, miss ya!!! english Hannah, german Hannah, Paolo, Pablo, Alex, Giuliano, Ciaran and Joris, both french Helens, Bertrand with your charming french accent, Cindy, Lucile and Hugo it was so nice to see you again in Perth, and thanks for saying goodbye at the airport Lucile and keep our butterfight in good menory haha :), the three english legends Peter, Alistair and Chris, Marisun, Javier stay the happy person you are.. Bali who finally left Griffith, Sport-Lena, Louiez,  Laurena and Lena who sold me my beloved car, Alexi & Lukas, Basti, Manuel the man with the plan, Jeremy du alter Aufreißer, Tim, Paula and Fiona you looooovely irishs, I really hope to see you again!!!! Viktor my snoring Roomate :p, Marius, Maurice (und wir haben es doch nicht geschafft uns nochmal zu sehen..), Anna, Maxi, Marie, Johannes & Barbara the Griffith-family-parents (how will it be without ya now?), Luisa & Kevin, Maggie & Peter, ich hoffe ihr Pärchen bleibt alle noch ganz lange zusammen und macht, wie gesagt, ganz viele wunderschöne süße kleine Kinder :D, crazy Tracey, Tash, lovely Megan, Laura... Lena, Anna and Valerie - potato magic forever ahaha thanks for showing me that you can talk about everything... canadian Chris, Jack, Kalum deine Kartoffel ist kaputt!, James, Robin, Max, Julie, Leslie, Nathalie.. it is impossible to name all of you!!! I give up and hope all the not named don't take it too personal I'll buy you a beer next time we meet :-)

With some of them I even continued travelling - Eva and Lena you crazy girls, with whom I did my first travels, Melbourne and Great Ocean Road, and Tutu, who I also met in the very beginning - somehow we were able to stay in touch all the time, travelled together, met up again, phone calls, laughs, stories, "I gotta tell you something", toilet talks.. I simply love you. And Eva and me know that we'll never eat thai salad again. Haha

With Lena & Rachel I discovered the outback! :) 

Rachel, Laureen, Julia and Jess - Eastcoastbuddies! I have had an awesome time with you girls. The best memories. 

Whitsundays with my favourite crazy canadians, Schaef, Brandin and Joab. And sweet Maiju! 

Great to meet you guys in Melbourne Chiara, Miriam and Thomas.. On Magnetic Island, Anita, we had fun with our pink topless barbie car haha.. And in Exmouth you, Peter and Kieran. At the surfcamp I made friends with Norwegian Ingrid and Henrik. Mary, you and my granny are the wisest and most lovely and helpful persons I know and I am so glad having met you! Some people you just meet again and again and again and again.. Like Steffi and Martina! Haha so funny and to Oktoberfest maybe again? :) 

And, maybe the best time and the most beautiful environment was within the last weeks of my stay, when I discovered the westcoast. Chanti, so happy that we met, and Tanja, that we caught up again! See you again, Kieran. Robbie, Tanja, Chanti, Nicolas, TK, Jackie - we had the best tour ever with the sofa so good. Dancing on top of the bus, in the sunset, as if there was no tomorrow and no one would mind the dented car..... It was not any "stupid bus tour", with the small group size, and the great and funny people it felt like our own tour. Ourguide  Robbie listened to our wishes, also stopped at spots that were not on the plab because we wanted to, so we saw the fancy PINK LAKE for example!!! :) 

"Good friends are hard to find, difficult to leave and impossible to forget."

We met as strangers and now I can call you friends. I love that! 

Another big thank you to all the Australians who let me and my friends do couchsurfing: Julian, Jason, Fernanda and Giulia my favorite brasilian girls! Ina and Tom and Robbie. You are very welcome to stay at my place if you ever come to Germany!

To all of you, it was great meeting you. Everybody, mentioned here or not. No matter if we don't have much contact in future - If you are ever around in Germany, let me know. Or somewhere in the world. Just give me a text. I love catching up with old friends. And you'll never never know if you never never go (or ask)

You can love memories, times you have had in your life - I think, this was one of the best years of my life. Hard for all the other years that are coming to be better. 

When I started, I thought it would be an adventure. I finish and can say, it definetely was an adventure, a lesson, a blessing, an opportunity.... I saw dolphins like 1m away from me, swam with whalesharks, went snorkelling in Ningaloo and Great Barrier Reef, tried surfing and failed, trusted strangers, made friends all over the world, been to the oldest rainforest in the world and went swimming in a waterhole in the middle of it, saw crocodiles and the light-glowing beach on Fraser Island at nighttime and paradise-alike beaches with crystal clear water and white sand. I drove a 4WD through the inland of Fraser Island, I bought a car, travelled with it and selled it again. I saw the outback and felt the spirit of Uluru, worked in a winery, earned my own money and lived and travel with it. I am 19 years old and have seen more of Australia than most of the Australians have seen. (But I have to admit, therefore I haven't seen whole Germany or Europe neither!) 

Time passed so quickly.. How can it already be over? 

I love the fact that I can come back. I am sorry. But I can't stay. There is so much more. So much more waiting. When you have been given wings, should you not fly? 

..............……................................

Ich habe gelernt. Ich habe gelernt, Ruhe zu bewahren. Mich auf Flughäfen zurechtzufinden und in fremden Städten. Ich habe gelernt, dass man sich oft nur trauen muss zu fragen. Und dass man alles machen kann und alles schaffen kann, wenn man will. Ich habe gelernt, dass nicht alle, die nett aussehen, auch nett sind, und dass man nicht mit allen, die man trifft, befreundet sein muss. Ich habe mich persönlich weiterentwickelt, die Freundlichkeit der Australier aufgeschnappt und bin lockerer, lustiger - lebenslustiger - optimistischer geworden. Offen. Extrovertiert, könnte man schon fast sagen. Ich schaue über den Horizont. Ich will mich nicht an alte Schemen halten. Wer sagt, weil das alle so machen, ist es "das Richtige"? Aber zwinge keinem meine Denkweisen auf... Erwarte aber das Gleiche auch von Euch. Jeder sollte sein eigenes Glück finden. Wer sagt, dass das in der Karriere liegt? Wer sagt, dass man das Abitur anstreben muss, danach Studium, und dann am besten für den Rest des Lebens ein und denselben Beruf ausüben. Das war mal so. Macht einen das gezwungenermaßen glücklich? Ist es zu 100% sicher, dass man ein erfülltes Leben führt, wenn man studiert hat und dann den erlernten Beruf ausübt - ohne Umwege, ohne Schlangenlinien zu fahren, auf der Autobahn des Lebens dahinzubrausen, deren Ende wir alle kennen. Ich will keine Autobahn entlangrasen, nur ab und an einen Blick nach draußen erhaschend, verschwommen, verwischt, kurz, husch husch, schnell weiter, der Weg ist noch lang. Ich will die enge gewundene Landstraße nehmen, Abstecher machen und etwas sehen, andere Leute treffen und meine Reise mit ihnen teilen, sie mitnehmen und mitgenommen werden. Erlebnisse teilen, im Sonnenuntergang auf dem Autodach tanzen und den Sonnenaufgang eingekuschelt in eine flauschige Decke ansehen und gemeinsam dem kalten Wind trotzen. Sich in die Kurven legen, in Sackgassen fahren und nach einem anderen Weg suchen. Der Weg auf der Landstraße mag länger dauern, man verfährt sich ab und zu und das Auto bekommt ein paar Beulen und Kratzer und wird dreckig. Man kann eben keinen Mercedes fahren, wie die Leute auf der Autobahn. 

Nein, ich weiß noch nicht, was ich will. Aber ist das so schlimm? Besteht das Leben nicht aus Ausprobieren, zwei Schritte vorwärts und einer zurück, manchmal auch gleich drei. Es läuft nicht immer nach Plan. Auch das habe ich gelernt. Deshalb muss man zwar nicht aufhören Pläne zu machen, aber wenigstens immer noch einen Plan B, C und D bereithalten. Flexibel sein und anpassungsfähig. Es gibt an jeder Situation etwas gutes, wenn sich eine Tür schließt öffnen sich zehn neue. 

Und eigentlich weiß ich sehr wohl, was ich will. Ich hab die nervige Frage "Was willst du denn mal werden, später?" eigentlich schon vor langer Zeit so beantwortet: "Glücklich." 

Wie? Das finde ich gerade noch heraus. Bitte gebt mir die Zeit und lasst MICH über meine Zukunft entscheiden. Und fragt nicht ständig nach. Ich kümmer mich schon. Ich komme klar. Es ist mein Leben. Danke. ❤️